The Force: choose your side

A friend and I were chatting today, in light of the recent Star Wars movie, about the differences between the light side and dark side of “The Force.”

The dark side is described as being, “quicker, easier, more seductive.”

With so many video games out there that allow you to choose which side best suits your personality, we were trying to decide which would be the best for us. In the Xbox game, “Knights of the Old Republic,” we tend to gravitate toward the light side, just because we’re softies at heart and can’t stomach the heartless actions that must be taken in order to pursue the dark side.

For example, in one scenario, an old man is being beaten by a bunch of street thugs. You intervene and have the following choice, “kill the attackers and help the old man by giving him some money to pay his debts,” or “kill the attackers and then slay the old man and take the buck-fitty he’s got on him.”

Some of you out there are like, “hey, a buck-fitty is a buck-fitty… that’s a King-size upgrade at BK.”

…but for me, I just can’t do it. Every time I sit down to play the game, I think to myself, “this time I’m really going to do it. I’m going to choose the dark side.” Fifteen minutes into the game, I’m almost to tears, overwhelmed with guilt, because I knocked a robot over and took all his parts.

…so for me, the dark side is NOT “quicker, easier, and more seductive.” Though, in truth, the light side isn’t really for me, either. That’s a whole lotta work.

“A Jedi has the most serious mind.”

…and as we all know, I’m a lazy guy. The following lines fit me a little better:

“…never your mind on where you were; what you were doing.”

So if, “quicker, easier, more seductive” and “serious mind” don’t really fit me, which would be best suited for a guy like me?

Introducing: the Dim side of the Force… designed for the lazy guy. “lazier, lamer, more mediocre.”

It’s a 3-hour self-study course, advertised by a carnival barker located somewhere between the Jedi Academy and the Sith Palace:

“Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Become a Jedi slob in just 3 easy steps. Bad Credit? No Credit? Republic Credits? No problem! Looking for a way to make the Force fight all your battles for you? Join today!”

What if Yoda had attended that school instead? Imagine a short little green guy, sitting on a ledge, wearing sun-glasses and getting a tan while sipping a nice cool glass of blue milk, while 50 yards or so away, a short, green lightsaber, completely controlled by the Force, fights an onslaught of attackers.

“Kicking much butt, am I. Have done this a long time ago, I should. 850 years wasted, I did… Another drink, bring me.”

You gotta admit, that sounds pretty good.

2 thoughts on “The Force: choose your side”

  1. for you, yes. i would have loved to see you making lunches with the Force…or wash dishes…or mow the lawn. sometimes i think you were imagining it to get you through your chores. one time, i swear, i heard you narrating to yourself, and humming your own theme song…

    you musta chosen a moment when i was weak-minded to use the Force to make me clean your kitchen last weekend. it was a ‘we’ project, and by ‘we’, i mean ‘me’.

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